How do you "Break the Ice" and move on?

Going to an event, entering that room of dark suited circles of strangers unnerves you.  This is a statement.  I know because thousands of delegates and audience members tell me so.  In fact, I promise you over 98% are somewhere between uncomfortable, down the continuum through to downright petrified.  If you feel like this you will find…you are normal.  I am abnormal because I love it.  Here’s ideas to help you.

Get there early so you won’t be facing large groups.

If hosts are present they will do their job and introduce you to others.

Armed with the fact that most people feel the same, if you see someone standing on their own make the first move.  Approach them slowly.  Stop fleetingly to ask if you may join them and then introduce yourself.  The reason you have not done it before is because of your fear of rejection.  Right?  Yes, right, but don’t worry you won’t be rejected, in fact, you will be welcomed with open arms and this person will be greatly relieved.  You would, if someone approached you.  Ask questions like, ‘where have you come from?’, ‘how are you associated with the PSA?’   Think of the event you are at and think of the numerous things you will have in common with this “stranger”.

 Try using your first name only; they normally follow suit and give their Christian name. Listen hard then use their name to build rapport.  Who knows, this stranger could be your next big client!

When it’s time to move on, suggest they accompany you to the bar, the food table or to someone you need to talk to. You are showing courtesy and respect by offering them an option. No dumping here! But don’t worry: they probably want to move on as much as you so they normally decline your offer and off you both go. If they do come with you the chances are you or your new partner will bump into an existing contact and the whole dynamics start all over again.

If you are stuck with a nervous person who knows no-one, simply say, ‘let’s go and meet some other people,’ and then look for an open twosome or trio and ask to join. You will spice up this new cocktail of people and you have successfully “parked” your friend on others.

Never approach two people standing face to face or a threesome standing in a triangle. Their body language clearly communicates they don’t want interrupting as they are having a private, confidential or even intimate conversation. You will not be welcomed…at least, not at that moment!

Will Kintish a leading UK authority on networking can be contacted on 0161 773 3727 or via www.kintish.co.uk

Voices in our heads – Part 2

The majority of people have negative conversations simply because we all have two key fears in our lives; fear of rejection and the fear of failure. Fear is a made-up word – it’s really an acronym F.E.A.R. It represents the phrase ‘false expectations appearing real’. These fears do represent false expectations as most people who attend business events are friendly, personable and welcoming. When have you been rejected at a business event? After all every one is there to spot opportunities, build or reinforce relationships. Yes, there will be a tiny proportion of rude people; those who decide you’re not important enough and start looking around the room for ‘more significant people than you.’ Don’t let this small minority get to you. They’re not worth giving a second thought to. You don’t want to be building relationships with these rude ignorant people anyway, so excuse yourself and go and find the ‘nice’ people who deserve your company.

When you walk into a room it’s time to think:

·         “I’m a nice person who is going to be accepted into this room.”

·         “I’m as good as anyone else here.”

·         “I’m a generous person with a giving spirit. The greatest thing I can give tonight is my time and full attention when talking to others. They will like me and respect me for that.”

·         “Yes, I am a little nervous, but so are most other people.”

·         “I’m going to be friendly, courteous and polite; that way people will like me quickly.”

·         “I’m going to smile, give good eye contact, shake hands and aim to remember peoples’ names. This will help me create a good first impression.”

·         “When I pretend to act like a host, my confidence is going to build. For example, I’m going to talk to people who I see standing on their own and introduce them to others when it’s time to move on.”

·         “It’s a business event so everyone is here to meet new contacts – including me.”

·         “I’m going to spend more time being interested by asking questions rather than talking too much about myself.”

·         “I’m going to look positively for potential opportunities and follow them up.”

·         “If at the end of the day all else fails, I’m just going to have to fake it ‘til I make it!”

·         “I’m going to have a good time!”

But why should you fail? Fail at what exactly? It’s not an examination or you are the defendant in a trial being judged. It’s just a group of people, most of whom will be polite, friendly and welcoming. Focus on them and enjoy your networking.

You're a painkiller

“I love what I do but don’t like the marketing and selling”

When you are in the advice-giving business, particularly professionals and experts in your field, do you feel exactly like the headline? You spend your formative years in education, academia, gaining professional qualifications and learning on the job. Then after time you realise to progress, or go it alone, you have to start selling, marketing and promotion- the uncomfortable bit of the job.

Change of mindset
You will not be good at this; you will find it unnerving and awkward, dare I suggest. It’s not in your DNA. Had it been, you probably wouldn’t have chosen the career you have.
Stop thinking sell; think help. You are an expert who provides advice which adds value to your client. You are a problem-solver and painkiller. When I ask people what they get paid for I hear, ‘My time or my expertise or the advice I am giving.’ Yes that’s true but in the eyes of the client you are being paid for a problem they can’t solve for themselves. No-one goes to the doctor, the dentist, the accountant or the lawyer unless they have a complication or difficulty. So, I reiterate, you must forget selling if you’re going to become more proactive. Get out there networking and start to look for people who have a pain; you’re there to kill it.

What to do at business events
What you should never do is try to sell your company, it’s services or products; the only thing to promote is yourself and the nice person you are. Networking is simply building relationships; we have all been doing it since around the age of 2.
The three key steps to building new relationships are
1. Get to know more people by attending more events.
2. Start to get them to like you and build rapport and affinity
3. Continue past step 2 and build trust to create long-term meaning sustainable relationships
I believe the reason the word networking attracts such negative views is because many people simply don’t know how to do it effectively and more importantly politely and ethically. This can result in rude and discourteous behaviour including people being too pushy. You occasionally find people who realise you’re not the person useful to them they begin to look around the room or over your shoulder. They appear infrequently and are a small minority but move on quickly from these ignorant people.
Fear of failure
When you are giving your expert advice you are in command and control and with help from colleagues you rarely fail. But attending that business event often knowing no-one and getting involved in conversations taking you out of your comfort zone there will be the possibility of failure crossing your mind.

You won’t fail when you spend time asking good questions, listening carefully and asking the other person to explain or describe more when you don’t understand. You’re looking for those pain-killing opportunities which will only occur by listening. Having spotted a chance or prospect, to avoid wasting your time ensure you follow up in a professional manner. When you focus on the other person and show interest people start to like you quickly. You need to be genuinely interested and when the conversation comes to an end move on in a polite manner.
You only fail when you don’t turn up, you do too much talking, you are impolite or, in my view worst of all, don’t follow up when you think you could move the relationship to it’s next stage. When you ask permission to contact someone after an event and they say ‘yes’, no-one can accuse you of pestering or annoying them.
Remember most people don’t follow up for fear of rejection. Don’t take it personally; they’re not rejecting you just the offer of your help.

The author of this article is Will Kintish, leading UK authority on effective and confident networking both offline and online. If you’d like Will to speak at your conference or training workshops, call him on 0161 773 3727. Visit www.kintish.co.uk and www.linkedintraining.co.uk for further free and valuable information on all aspects of networking.

Voices in our heads – Part 1

Is it any wonder most people decline or ignore business invitations when they start out with a head full of negative self-talk.

When you walk into a room full of strangers, do you ever start off having ‘solo’ conversations which go something like this?

• “I don’t know enough about xxxx.”
• “How am I going to break the ice,’ because I don’t know anyone, do I?”
• “ I’m so nervous that I’m bound to forget the name of the host, not to mention other peoples’ names when I first meet them”
• “I’ve no right to be in front of all those people; I’m too junior to represent the firm.”
• “Nobody’s going to talk to me.”
• “What if I’m asked something and I don’t know the answer?”
• “I fell terrible! My hair’s a mess and my shoes look ridiculous.”
• “No doubt I’ll do something stupid like tripping up or knocking my glass of wine over fellow guests.”
• “People just aren’t going to take me seriously.”
• “People may laugh at me, not openly and when I feel that, what do I do?”

How do we mange and get these fears destroyed?
In my next blog will share my thoughts.

Network? Sure, I network. I’m on LinkedIn, Twitter, and Facebook all the time.

I love social media, don’t get me wrong, but the downfall of today’s social media is it can give people a false sense of security that they are effectively networking. Spending time on LinkedIn or Twitter is a smart component to your work life, but in order to reap the full benefits of networking, you need to regularly back away from the computer, pick up the phone, attend business networking events, or meet up with a former colleague for coffee or drinks. In other words, network the old fashioned way, the way we networked before we became addicted to so many of these networking sites.
Networking is building relationships; know-like –trust are the 3 key steps to achieving this. How can you get others to like and trust you simply through the computer. I do believe you can start a relationship online and even reinvigorate and reinforce but no-one will ever convince me you can build a sustainable relationship with anyone.without the face-to-face meeting.

15 Minutes & 10 Seconds To Great Business Opportunities

1. Walk in and get a drink 30 secs
2. Look for someone 15 secs
3. Approach 10 secs
4. Ask permission 5 secs
5. Introduce 5 secs
6. Opening comment 20 secs
7. Start small talk 180 secs
8. Ask what they do 60 secs
9. Ask interesting questions 300 secs
10. Tell them what you do 180 secs
11. Ask for card 10 secs
12. Read 30 secs
13. Make comments
14. Ask to contact to find out more 20 secs
15. Write in diary 15 secs

Be polite and move on 30 secs

The perfect networker

You know him, he’s at every event, a brilliant conversationalist, give you the shirt off his back. He follows up, keeps his commitments and he’s always happy to make an introduction.
He drinks water at every event, not because it’s healthy, but to save money. He’ll spend hours on Twitter and other social media doing essentially nothing, but won’t spend £50 for a tool that will actually help his business. There’s always a hint of desperation hidden in his voice (or his blog posts) because his business really isn’t doing that well.
He’s drunk the networking & social media cocktail ‘Gottabeseenandloved’ and if you’re not careful, you might easily fall victim to it too.
Networking is fun. Furthermore, there’s rarely any rejection in networking. People can succeed at networking even if they’re not succeeding in their business. And if you’re any good at it at all, occasionally it will work and actually generate you some business. “See? Networking works!” That becomes a validation of whatever you’ve been doing. It doesn’t matter that if you did things a little differently, you could have had ten times the results with the same amount of effort – what you’re doing “works”.
It’s an addiction. And it’s an insidious one at that if it ends up controlling your life.

Eat Spiders or Make that follow up call?

If you were asked to make cold calls as part of your job I’d guess you’d rather eat a box of spiders!. I know I would.
But how do you feel if you have to follow up having met someone at a business event. Many people feel the same -’Give me that box’.
The situation is so different as you are following up someone you have met. If you have spotted a potential opportunity to do some potential business ask permission to call to arrange a meeting. When the time comes remember
• They are expecting your call
• They agreed to take your call
• You believe you have a service or product which will add value to their business
• You’re simply continuing the conversation you had a few days previously
• What is the worst that’s going to happen?

Consider this
Where are you now? Sitting in front of the phone

What do you want to do?
Call a prospect to help (not sell) with your service or product
What is the worst thing he can say?
“No thanks ”
What is the worst thing that he can do?
Put the phone down
Then where will you be?
Sitting in front of the phone

So what are you waiting for?

We fear the call simply because of rejection. Always remember this; they are not rejecting you, just the offer of your help.

What it takes to be an effective and successful leader?

A good leader is someone who achieves results! Winston Churchill, Richard Branson and Mother Theresa all had radically different leadership styles. However, they each achieved results in their own way.

There is no magic or mystique to leadership, great leaders are not born nor are they specially gifted at influencing people. They are simply people who are passionate about being a great leader and they are willing to do the little things that matter. That's what makes a good leader.

Timeless Advice
How to Win Friends and Influence People is one of the first bestselling management books ever published. Written by Dale Carnegie and first published in 1937, it has sold 15 million copies globally. The ‘little things’ he believed made a great leader were

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to other people's mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes first.
4. Ask questions instead of directly giving orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise every improvement.
7. Give them a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Encourage them by making their faults seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest.

So, the answer the question what makes a good leader?
A good leader is someone who is willing to make the changes to the way they work by attempting different techniques and learning from their experiences. Is this you?

How much Propinquity do you create when networking?

What a great word, no, not ‘networking’ but a word I have recently been introduced to – propinquity. For those who don’t know the meaning of the word, let me share.
Propinquity means physical or emotional proximity, a kinship between people, or a similarity in nature between things. Two people living on the same floor of a building, for example, have a higher propinquity than those living on different floors, just as two people with similar political beliefs possess a higher propinquity than those whose beliefs strongly differ.

When we attend business events our key objective should be to build new or on existing relationships. When you find you support the same team, have the same aged children or both love scuba-diving then you have found common ground; you’ve created propinquity. When this situation arises and you find someone who may need your services or products in due course you have to be a preferred supplier when the right moment comes.

We get people to like us when we show genuine interest, ask motivating questions and give our full attention throughout the conversation.
Let the other person do most of the talking; be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves. (From ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie).

I can't be bothered to network today!

Some say networking is a core business skill. I see it as something we do every day. it is simply building new relationships or on existing ones. It is not just a skill for sales and marketing people but also a skill for everyone in whatever line of business they are in. Since it has become a 'must-do' part of business it has however been adopted by people who confuse it with 'selling'. They hand out their business card as though they are on a mission to beat a record they created at the previous event. A numbers game for many, 'networking' is now a functional task, something we can switch on or off…all so wrong.
Penny Power founder of Ecademy recites the story, “ The other day, at 7.15am in the morning on my train to London I had someone selling me 'CRM Software', he launched straight into his pitch, silently being mocked by onlookers. He excused himself by saying to me 'you're a networker aren't you; you know what it is all about!'
That sad little man with his sad little view of life was actually trying to transact, not network.”
Networking is being friendly, it is being open to people and listening and chatting about random events and thoughts. It is not a transactional opportunity. The skill of networking is to have no agenda at all. The only motive should be to listen and learn from the person you are meeting and listen out for aspects of their life that you identify with or know someone who would. Where you spot an opportunity, think ‘help’ not ‘sell’, keep asking questions and when you feel it may be worth a follow up get-together ask permission to call to arrange.

Don't network, don't succeed! Fears and concerns...continued

Fear of Rejection

Most people won’t make that first move for fear of rejection. Fear is an acronym; it stands for False Expectations Appearing Real. We walk into that room full of negatives. ‘No-one will talk to me’ ‘I am not going to be interesting’ ‘What if I’m judged and found wanting?’ Most people are friendly and polite so leave those words behind when you arrive.
All I say is believe in yourself walk in and tell yourself you are a nice person and remember most other people are nervous. If it is a business event they want to meet you like you want to meet them

Warning
You will meet the rare lesser-spotted R.I.P. This is the rude ignorant pig who will reject you, walk off or just ignore you. Give them short thrift and when you encounter that behaviour…move on.

Don't network, don't succeed! Fears and concerns...continued

Fear of the Unknown

Walking into a room where you have been before and knowing no-one is scary. I hate walking into a room full of strangers so I always avoid it. How? Simply by planning my day carefully and arriving early. I have presented for a decade asking tens of thousands how they feel and I can confidently say 98+% of people have similar fears
Every room you have ever been in and every event you attend in the future is always formatted in exactly the same way. There will never be more than 6 formats. There is the single person standing against the wall. Couples stand in open and closed formats as do trios. Then there is the scary groups of four or more. My advice is avoid the closed-formatted groups unless you know someone in there. Approach singles or open groups with a smile, good eye contact with a phrase like “Please may I join you?” or “Please may I introduce myself?”

On Friday 10th September we will go through the 'fear of the rejection'.

Don't network, don't succeed! Fears and concerns

Apart from the negative press networking has created, we all have 3 basic primeval fears when it comes to walking into a room full of strangers.
1. Fear of failure
2. Fear of the unknown
3. Fear of rejection.

Let me share with you some tips and ideas to help you overcome those fears which should then give you more confidence to attend more events

Fear of failure

You won’t fail when you spend time asking good questions, listening carefully and following up in a professional manner when an opportunity arises. When you focus on the other person and show interest people start to like you quickly. You need to be genuinely interested and when the conversation comes to an end move on in a polite manner. When you hear something you don’t understand ask them to explain in more detail what they mean. People love talking about themselves and showing they know something you don’t. This will endear you to them. You only fail when you don’t turn up, you do too much talking, you are impolite or, in my view worst of all, don’t follow up when you think you could move the relationship to it’s next stage. When you ask permission to contact someone after an event and they say ‘yes’ no-one will ever accuse you of pestering or annoying them.

On Wednesday 8th September we will go through the 'fear of the unknown'.

Don't network? Don't succeed! - Why attend events?

We go to
• Raise our own and our company’s profile
• Gain useful information
• Understand our market place
• Find people who can supply us
• Meet key people and decision makers
• Get to know what others do.
• Get others to know what we do
• Help others with their business challenges
• Find potential new colleagues

This list is not exhaustive. Consider for a moment when you don’t go all those potential opportunities you will miss. I say regularly, “If you don’t go, you’ll never know”

Don’t network? Don’t succeed! - Building Relationships

The three key steps to building new relationships are:

1. Get to know more people by attending more events.
2. Start to get them to like you and build rapport and affinity
3. Continue past step 2 and build trust to create long-term meaning sustainable relationships

I believe the reason the word attracts such negative views is because many people simply don’t know how to do it effectively and more importantly ethically. This can result in rude and discourteous behaviour which includes people being too pushy or, if they realise you’re not the person useful to them they begin to look around the room or over your shoulder.

Don’t network? Don’t succeed!

The word network often strikes fear and dread into people or they immediately have strong negative thoughts about it. Manipulative, scheming, selling are just 3 words associated with this all-important activity. The irony is we all network from the time we start to talk.

My view, it is simply building relationships; either new ones or reinforcing existing ones. “I’m going networking once this week” implies you’re going to spend the rest of week sitting in a darkened room with no access to the outside world. It’s just communicating - be it face-to face, the phone or more and more through the computer. Social networking or social media, the phrases can be interchanged, are becoming the dominant method of communication.

As someone who acknowledges he is a little quaint and old-fashioned I fear for the future of inter-personal communication. There can never be a substitute for attending events, no replacement for the smile, the eye contact and the reading of the body language.

45 Golden Rules - Working the Room - Part 4

1    Look at the people and visualise growing business

2    Get there early if you are a guest as you will feel more comfortable when there are less people and this gives you a chance for time with your host.

3    Take a deep breath if you feel a little nervous.  Remember you are usually there for business purposes; do not waste the time.

4    Try to find out who your fellow guests are before the event.  This gives you a great chance to seek out people who you wish to meet and do business with.

5    Carry a pen if you are a serious networker.  This is your work tool for the night. 

6    Stay as long as possible.  You often find other serious business networkers staying on.  Those are the people you really want to meet.

7    Approach people and talk to those you do not know.  Other people will be as apprehensive as you and will welcome you with open arms if you take the lead. 

8    Pick someone who looks approachable – look for the smile and eye contact from them and you do it too.

9    Interrupt politely into a group and ask if they mind you joining.  People will never say no as they are there to network to.  Do not change the subject until the appropriate moment.

10  Rehearse the answer to “what do you do”? when asked.  Make it sound interesting and exciting; highlight what benefits your existing clients receive from your service or products.

11  Say “I help people to become more successful” if you are a banker rather than “I am a banker” when asked.  Consider the difference in impact on your listener.

12  Prepare subjects to ask about in case you are stuck for things to say.  Ask the other party about their job, holidays, family, their views on sporting events or current affairs. 

13  Remember constantly “givers gain”.  The more you give the more you will get back in return.  Create an “abundance” reputation rather than a “scarcity” reputation.

45 golden rules to working a room...part 3

11. Say “I help people to become more successful” if you are a banker rather than “I am a banker” when asked.  Consider the difference in impact on your listener.

12. Prepare subjects to ask about in case you are stuck for things to say.  Ask the other party about their job, holidays, family, their views on sporting events or current affairs. 

13. Remember constantly “givers gain”.  The more you give the more you will get back in return.  Create an “abundance” reputation rather than a “scarcity” reputation.

14. Be first to offer your hand and shake hands firmly.  A limp handshake tells you a lot about the person.

15. Contact with the eyes is the most powerful form of body language.  Not looking someone in the eye on that first meeting creates the wrong impression from the start.

16. Make the first move.  Greet everyone with a smile and a friendly hello.  Approach people standing alone.  This will be less daunting and they will welcome a friendly face.

17. Talk in terms of other peoples’ interests.  Find out as much as possible about them, it is the easiest way, as people love to talk about themselves.

18 .  Listen attentively first.  People will tell you lots of useful information that can be used to your advantage. This also establishes a rapport.  Talk about yourself second

19. Stay within limits if there is a free bar.  Drunk and disorderly behaviour can rarely be good for business!

45 golden rules to working a room...part 2!

29  Obtain other peoples’ cards always.  That is the only way you will remember who you met.  Record where and when you met those cardholders as soon as possible after the function.  Write down something of interest to remind you why you took their card.

30  Grade the cards 1,2, 3 with 1 signifying “this person could be very useful to me” to 3 “I’ll probably not get in touch”

31  Keep all cards you ever receive and file them.  You never know when they just may be useful.  They will only be useful however if you follow guides 29 and 30.

32  Write down on their card the day you will call so that the other party knows you are serious about the follow up.

33  Read the card carefully and thoroughly when you are handed it.  This shows great courtesy and interest.  Information on the card should also provide you with further questions to ask the person about their business.

34  Give your card to someone even if you are not asked for it.  It will serve as a memory jogger when pockets are emptied.

35  Have personal business cards if you are seeking a new job or career.  Don’t use old cards.

36  Wear your badge on your right.  As you shake hands, the other person’s eyes will naturally follow down the line of the arms and automatically see your name.

37  Keep moving!  You are there for work and to connect with as many contacts and prospects as possible, within reason.

38  Excuse yourself by going for a drink, outside for a breath of fresh air or, introduce someone else to a person when you wish to extricate yourself.

39  Ask to contact the interesting person(s) after the event and suggest a day when it may be convenient to call and make sure you do so on the agreed day.

40  Request a list of participants if it is practical and will not cause embarrassment.  This will jog your memory in case there were people there whose cards you did not receive.

41  Thank your host before leaving and then again in a letter or e-mail to show your appreciation.  Good basic manners are great for business. 

42  Ask for what you want when you meet the person who can help you.  If you do not ask you will never know if your request would have been successful.

43  Restrict the time you spend with one person or on one subject.  If you are believe you are establishing a rapport arrange to meet again after the initial meeting.

44  Stand sideways on so that you are able to see what is happening around you and you can introduce others to the person to whom you are presently talking.

45  Approach groups of three or more, it is easier to break in and they will welcome new faces and new contacts.